Well here we are, a few days late of my twenty-fourth birthday. I have spent the last few days reflecting on my previous birthdays; who was there, who was near and dear to my heart, where my aspirations were, where they are today, what I hoped to be by now, and where I am in reality.
You see, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on astrology (Ridiculous I know, but hey, I’m a dreamer – or so says astrology.com according to Pisces traits) and I’ve discovered a lot about myself based on these reflections and my so-called astrological personality. I’m a big dreamer, and a major believer in the good of those around me. I hold little against others, but hold much against myself (more so in my twenties than ever before *wink* joking.. sort of). I have a lot of faith that what’s going to happen, is what’s supposed to happen and for that, I am once again (unsurprisingly) lost in my dream perception of reality.
I’ve never been much of a realist, though I try to beat every obvious idea into my brain, it never genuinely sticks, and instead of follow Miss Obvious Brain, I follow Mr. Stupid Heart and it’s Mistress Soul.
I had this perception of what my life would be like at 24:
I would be old enough to be respected,
Young enough to hold my beauty,
I would be wiser than I was at 14,
But well established and successful.
I would own a home, have a career,
Hell, I even thought I would be married.
I genuinely believed this to be a reality, but alas, looking around at all of the other twenty-somethings, I realized quickly that this was all the doings of my dreamy pisces heart and soul, ogling over this dream I had as a teen. Go fucking figure.
In reality I have found a lot of success in my previous twenty-four years old life. I have discovered my morals, values. I have learnt how to present myself in the way that I want, to attract the type of people that I want to surround myself with. I’ve gained my independence, and the ability to hold myself (by a thread) on my own two feet. I have created trusted relationships with genuinely good, intelligent and caring people that I want to keep around for a lifetime, and left those that are still stuck in their selfish dream world behind. I have found the path of my financial freedom, and have the opportunity to practice them and gain the success that I desire. I know what I want, and I am not afraid to speak up for it.
But: Nothing good comes without loss. I have been hurt, I have been lost (I still am), I am more broke than I have ever known was possible, I have been through hell and have been shit all over. I am not where I ever thought I would be at 24, damnit, I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at 24. But, I don’t give two shits, because this place that I am at right now is a good place, even if it feels like HELL every other day.
The reality of being 24 is…
I am human,
I have made mistakes and set myself back more times than I can count.
I have found a place where I can learn to succeed, and in the meantime,
I will keep dreaming, but at least,
I have learnt who I am and what I want to be.
Maybe I will have it all figured out in another 10 years…
Neesh Media 