OKAY GUYS A LITTLE BIT LATE but it’s my birthday and I felt what better time than now if at all…. Forgive me, 2020 Neesh is working on meditation, studying, personal growth, self awareness and yoga, not a lot of time for computer screens, but here it goes!
With a little 2019 recap, I have decided to essentially black out a big chunk of this last year in spite of a lot of success, but let’s still talk some of those lessons that I had the pleasure of experiencing;
- I actually lived in the same apartment for my entire lease.. Wild I know.
- I lived alone happily, and learnt to really appreciate the time that I have to myself to focus, study and self-reflect on my personal growth and gratitude.
- I learnt to move on from my biggest mistakes and accept that I can not pull people from their lives to gratify my actions or for the sake of my own happiness.
- I had the pleasure of going home a lot, visiting my dearest and closest friends, attending my favourite music festival that will no longer happen in the future, going on an incredible solo camping trip through a national park that I have wanted to check out since my 4th grade Humanities project… to see my favourite artist, Bon Iver.
- I have officially trained as a bartender to work alongside many of my favourite individuals, my dearest friends and my biggest mentors.
- I learnt what it is like to fall in love with the incredibly wrong person, and have learnt that who you love will never define who you are (this was a big one)
- Ultimately, I have learnt that being so far away from your core group of humans, does not mean you can not develop a strong as hell core group of humans; regardless of time spent together.
- And most importantly: I AM SO HAPPY TO BE WHO I AM REGARDLESS OF WHAT THOSE SURROUNDING ME THINK THAT I AM.
- OH and I fell in love with yoga and mindfulness (did I say that already?)
Let me go into detail here on one of those last ones… I have never been comfortable in the eyes of judgement (who the fuck is?!) but I have been fake-confident. Being my over-emotional pisces self, I’d withhold my fear but did what I wanted regardless of whispers, only to later in the day crash mercilessly from being so overwhelmed with the bottle of anxiety blowing the moment my fire door closed behind me. No longer does this feeling unravel my day, no longer do I have to refrain from the panic of wondering what a person thinks. Why? Well one day I honestly just went forward and said “Fuck it, I’m too old.” That’s it. Nothing to it. I am officially too old to care about being liked by every person on this planet. I’m too tired to stay up past 10pm overthinking about all of it.
Now with that being said, I have taken approximately… Ohhh about 26 years to really and I mean really understand that I do not need to be everyone’s cup of tea in order to be respected and appreciated. To be quite honest, you actually just need to be a good person. It’s shockingly difficult, I love to express my anger and spite (doesn’t anyone?), I love to cry (pisces, c’mon), and I am wildly good at approaching conflicts in the entirely wrong way. I am human. We all are. I have learnt that if you take a moment (in my case usually a few days to a month “moment”) and reflect on how you felt, ask yourself how you would have felt if you were the other person, and approach each conversation looking to come out equally happy; usually, both parties actually do wind up very happy. If you approach things in this way, and people continue to dislike you, well that’s honestly just their own damned problem and you did (and will continue to do) your best to allow every person on this earth to feel comfortable.
You can not control anyone. You can not choose who you want in your life if they do not want to be there. All that you can do is be your undeniable, amazing, honest and accepting self. Do what you love, love yourself and others will in turn, fall in love with you.Just don’t be a fucking asshole. I may not still be who I was before, but I am still Neesh. She ain’t going anywhere. (Sorry, not sorry to disappoint)
Neesh Media 