The things that I remember the most are not the ones that caused the most pain. They are not the ones that broke me. Not the ones that shattered the depths of my soul, that broke my beliefs, dreams, morals. No. Had those memories been the ones that I chose to hold onto, I would be far deeper in the miserable darkness that coexists with my emotionally stimulative mind.
The memories that remain, the ones that I refuse to let go of are the inexplainable and yet powerful ones… The moments of illusory simplicity. Raw, open conversation that flows with unequivocal doubt that these people are acting in their most genuine selves.
I often think of these moments. I think of how they made me feel, what thoughts provoked of them, why and how they arose.. These are the things that I strive for. This is what I believe matters. It brings me great joy to look at my past experiences in these instants because of the innate love and generosity that must exist for two people to have such an open dialect.
What sits heavily on me while looking back at these thoughts. is that I do not completely comprehend just how it is plausible that two (or more) individuals are capable of having such a conversation, the undeniable connection that exists… Only for it to often fade into never recurring. Or if it does, why is this person not the person?
Two beings that sync in a synonymous way, should belong together.. no? But often – at least in my experience – do not. In fact, I have experienced that they are often strangers, or feel that way eventually. I have a difficult time accepting this as the ultimate fate, it is far too rare to discover another on a similar wavelength.
So rather than holding on to these people, rather than realizing that they belong in your world, that they are your person… We often let them go. Instead we choose to develop safe relationships with those who don’t stimulate our intellection, who don’t question our beliefs, who refuse to debate a thought or action. We choose the easy path. And in turn, we (or I) spend our evenings alone reflecting on our memories, yearning for the way we had felt that one evening under the stars discussing more than even we understood that we were capable of. Not because we are thinking of the bad, but because we are immersed with joy while recalling the undeniable feeling that these honest conversations pulled out of us.
Neesh Media 