New year… Still in the middle of a pandemic. Boy.
I recall the beginning of 2021. I remember thinking that this thing is nearly over, that the world will soon rebalance. I remember telling myself that by the end of 2021, I will have substantiated my career, I will have sorted out my financials and I will have repaired a large dark hole in my chest that typically holds a human heart.
I also remember telling myself that nothing could top the negativity and insanity that 2020 was. (and that I wouldn’t move before my lease was up…)
So here we are, the first week of 2022 at an end, and the way I am celebrating the grateful end of 2021 is by being a few days away from finishing off my first Covid isolation after testing positive over Christmas and possibly infecting my entire family. Beat that 2020.
Hilarious to say that I actually miss 2020 compared to this last year. I developed hobbies, I learned to skate – sort of – and I learnt how to navigate a work-life balance that truly allowed financial growth AND freedom. Again, sort of.
This year, I reconnected with a man that had the power to self-destruct at any given moment, I moved across provinces only to suffer through a record-breaking heat, and fire season, worked for a company that cared little to none about the health and safety of their staff, tossed myself into a situationship and managed to fully rot-out the little humanity that I had left via not allowing myself to live alone as I so desperately need (no offence to my beautiful roommates, I thrive in solitude).
In 2021, I challenged myself to focus solely on finances. On finally accomplishing what seemed to be the inevitably impossible; paying off my 19-year-old-money-is-free-debt. Well, I suppose we can say we did do that. Let’s not discuss the how. (Fun fact: I moved it into a different debt) BUT alas, the credit pain is no longer there, I no longer see the incrementing interest that devastated my sanity, I no longer see the dramatic 6 digit number. Hell. I PAID OFF MY DEBT. Cool! Yay me.
But then I made the silly choice to move back home, in the middle of the valley recovering from the largest flood devastation since the 90’s, all without a gainful source of employment and into an absolutely destroyed and mould-infested home. Take that 2021 me.
But woah is me. I made this choice, hell, I’ve made every choice. I went into 2021 with full force and effort, planning to spend my time in a city that I had no intention of staying in, only to find myself acting as though I would settle. I made the choice to do my standard chaos move. I made the choice to sacrifice my health and fitness for my career growth (which also suffered). I even made the choice to go there in the first place.
In 2022, going into the THIRD pandemic year of our lives… I am on a path of correction. This year, it’s still about finances (that can’t go away) but it’s also about correcting the actions and habits that I’ve worked so hard to create over the last decade. The spending habits, the moving habits (no promises) and the emotional habits. I have spent the last few years resurfacing the chaos that I have created, the ways that I have held myself back from my success and the ways that I have hurt people I’ve loved and quite frankly… That gal’s gotta go.
2022: A year to flourish into the kind human that I know I am deep, deep, (very) deep down inside. A year to discover whether I am genuinely capable of love, success and stability, or if the inconsistencies that I create within my life are who I really am.
To top it off? Betty White passed away. WTF 2021? GOODBYE.
Neesh Media 