There are many great inventions since I took my first breath in 1994..
Smartphones.. Aqua.. The Spice Girls..Pay Per View movies.. Wifi on airplanes..Facebook.. Instagram.. Snapchat..
Some haven’t been so great though;
Chia pets.. Furbies.. Tomagotchies..Instagram’s new chronology format..
But the worst idea of all?
Netflix.
This whole idea of having movies and TV shows at your fingertips, unlimited for only $7.99 a month must have been the most socially devastating thing to have come to our generation in our liftetime. The simple fact of knowing that us millennials are systematically developed to jump from bandwagon to bandwagon and publicly share our newfound favourite thing has allowed Netflix to be the end all of end alls for any hope we may have had to potentially get off our asses and become even the slightest bit successful.
Thanks a bunch for the screw Randolph and Hastings. We really owe you the world. Not only have you created a successful guarantee of all of our fuck ups and failures, but you also managed to assist in the newfound “pastime” of “Netflix and Chill” that somehow replaced any real chance we had in the dating world.
You see, since Netflix blossomed into my life, I have.. Binged watched all of Grey’s Anatomy until I was so sleep deprived that I couldn’t function in my day to day life, rewatched Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, AND Friends multiple times (because why would once not be enough??), have strongly considered becoming a vegan, porn star, and chef thanks to the mass of documentaries, disconnected myself entirely from the global world (a big thank you again because for some reason CNN can’t make the cut),
…. all to save $50/month on cable.
Netflix is the shit of the shit, and by that I mean it’s like the new guy you’re sleeping with that happens to wear white sunglasses, oversized fossil watches and true religion jeans. It’s the type of thing you’re so thrilled to have, but you only want to see it late at night so you don’t have to admit to anyone that you’re into it as much as you are. And while you’re up until 3am binge watching the 3rd Gossip Girl season again, you’re actually missing out on any feasible opportunity you have to succeed greatly. But who really cares anyways? I’d much rather see if Blair and Chuck stay together the 5th time I try watching it again.
Neesh Media 